I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
