we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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