so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
