I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize