saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
