are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
