I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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