My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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