White coat. Heels.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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