his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
