Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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