i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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