I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
