I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Bring me that man meat
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