I'm really into asian looking animals
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
