On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
