matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
