We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
