How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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