dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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