She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
