Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
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