No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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