Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
