i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
