i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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