I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
