I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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