I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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