I faked an abortion last night.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize