I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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