There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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