Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
