I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
