Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
