There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
