plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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