did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize