I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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