She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
