OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
