And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
