im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
