Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
