My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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