she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
