So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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