So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
