I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
