I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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