I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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