either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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