she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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