Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
