I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
