i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
