Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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