So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
