I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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