just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
