i just had sex bonerless
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
