My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
