he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
