Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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