So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
