careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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