when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
