I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
