Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
