So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
