you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
