Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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